Men and Women

While talking to my husband last night we made a discovery about ourselves that I think may be universal. It all started with him stating that he had some hot chocolate at a friends house. To most this is not a big deal, but my husband does not drink hot chocolate. I have never seen him drink it in twelve years. So in an astonished tone I restated to him " You had hot chocolate!" He wondered why women always say these types of statements to their men. After much deliberation I think we finally figured it out.

Women watch their men. They notice everything he does. What he likes, doesn't like, habits, and just about everything else. It comes naturally to us. We are not even really aware that we are doing it. It is just that everything registers in our little bank so that, and this is the important part, we can do nice little things for them without it being a big deal. We see something they might like and just get it. We can see something trivial and think of them. We can know what they don't like and avoid it or try to do it for them. My husband also thinks women do all this noticing to feel comfort in the steadyness of her man. When he varies from his norm she feels like maybe she doesn't really know him. I would have to say that probably on a subconsious level he is right. Women like to know what to expect. Don't get me wrong, we love surprises too, (nice ones), but we like to know how things will go.

Kind of a side note to all this. Guys don't notice. They pretty much don't notice much of anything about us on their own. No wonder they make such a big deal about doing anything nice for us. They always say "I can't read your mind". While that is true, they can read past actions and get a pretty good idea what is on our mind. That would be a step in the right direction.

Valentine's Day

We are conditioned while still very young to expect attention on Valentine's Day. When we are in school there is the big party where everyone exchanges valentines. If you don't get very many, there are definate reasons why. Nobody wanted to give you one. When I was young my father always did something nice for my mother and he also gave me and my sister a single carnation. That was the only time I got flowers from my father. Every year there would be two carnations in the kitchen waiting for us when we woke up. It made us feel special. I heard two girls talking about what they did for Valentine's Day today. They were only twelve and ten, but they knew it was a day to say you are special.

What do you do when your husband doesn't "do" Valentine's Day? It's not that he forgets, he just doesn't care to acknowledge you with any niceities. Well, maybe he just doesn't know what a big deal it is to totally ignore the big V Day. He couldn't possibly desire to hurt the woman he says he loves. Then again, maybe it doesn't matter to him. I think most men do not set out to hurt their wives though. I think they just don't get it. There are other holidays where people think of you and do nice things for you or buy a gift, right. Your birthday, Christmas, and anniversarys all are times to do things for others that you love. So why is Valentine's Day such a big deal to ignore? Valentine's Day is the only day specifically set aside to say "I love you, you are special to me" to one person in your life. And that means a great deal.

My husband is one of those who has no desire to "do" anything for Valentine's Day. I sent him a link as a nice reminder titled The Top Ten Do's and Dont's for Men on Valentine's Day. However it did not have the impact I had hoped for. I would have to say I agree with pretty much everything the author said. All of the Dont's are definately no nos if you want a happy wife. The Do's are a good starting point to get some ideas. The whole idea of Valentine's Day is to say how much the other person means to you. By doing nothing the message is that your spouse does indeed mean nothing to you. I don't think this is what most men who don't do anything for their wives on Valentine's Day feel in their hearts, but it is what their actions say loud and clear.
So what do you do? Well, after being sad and disappointed try to think of things he does do for you. There may not be many, but surely there are some. The more you can think of, the less mad you will be at your husband. It will make you feel a little less neglected and a little more thankful. There are many lonely people out there who don't even have an insensitve spouse. They have no one. So be thankful for what you have, try to do nice things for others and go on with your day.